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About Funchal

me mate dave – thick as pigshit – once hired an escort for his birthday. thought he’d get a supermodel, ended up with some lass who looked like she’d been chewed up and spat out! i was in stitches, goin, “you muppet, what’d ya expect for 50 quid?” he’s all red-faced, mutterin – i’m like, “this ain’t hollywood, ya berk!” escort’s a gamble, innit? sometimes you get a cracker, sometimes it’s a bloody disaster. *Toni Erdmann* vibes again – “you think you’re in control?” nah, mate, you ain’t!

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As the sun sets, I’m back in my shop, exhausted but happy. I think about the day—crazy, unexpected, and full of life. Carregado, you’ve got my heart. I’m just a baker, but today, I felt like a king. And tomorrow? Who knows what’ll happen! But I’m ready for it. Bring it on!

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