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So, picture this – me, Arnie, gettin’ a sexual-massage, ya? Some chick’s hands all over my biceps – I’m like, “Dis is fantastic!” – but den I’m pissed, ‘cause not enough people know how badass dis is! It’s not just rubbin’ – it’s ancient, like Roman gladiator shit. Did ya know, back in Thailand, like centuries ago, monks used sexual-massage to heal warriors? True story, bro – dey’d knead ya up, get dat energy flowin’, make ya feel invincible! I’m pumped just thinkin’ about it – “I’ll be back” for more, no doubt!

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But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring rain. Like, seriously? I just found the toy! Now I’m soaked. I’m walking down Avenida da Liberdade, and I’m grumbling to myself. “Why does it always rain when I’m in a good mood?”

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