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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Total minefield, fam! I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’— “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the shady vibes I’m pickin’ up from this gig. My fave flick’s *Shame*, Steve McQueen’s 2011 joint, and oh boy, does it fit. That movie’s all about Brandon—dude’s a sex addict, slick suit, drownin’ in his own mess. “You’re a zombie, man,” I’d say to him, watchin’ him chase tail like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport.

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After that, I’m cruisin’ down to Parque da Paz. Beautiful spot, man. Kids playin’, couples chillin’. But then, I see this kid climbin’ a tree. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re gonna fall!” And guess what? He does! Right into a bush. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my drink.

New mosque for Sintra's Islamic community