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Now, I’m thinkin’, right—maybe she’s the one. Got that dark, twisted charm, like the flick’s creepy village. I’m half expectin’ her to whip out a ribbon and tie me up—kinky, yeah? Total turn-on! Oh, but the smell—fags and cheap perfume—bit rank, innit? Still, I’m hooked, chattin’ her up, dodgin’ coppers like a proper spy. Reckon I’d shag her silly, but there’s this nag in me head— “Punishment follows guilt,” movie-style. What if she’s trouble? Bollocks, who cares—I’m Austin Powers, I live for the thrill!

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What to do to end the lonely life, if the number of divorced women increases every year? What happens to men who are married and not married for two years?

First off, I hit up the café on Rua da Liberdade. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual, a galão, and the barista, Miguel, is like, “Hey, you look tired.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m a psychologist. Tired is my middle name.” He laughs, but I’m not joking.

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