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But – ugh – what pisses me off? When folks judge it, callin’ it dirty. Like, c’mon, it’s just bodies bein’ bodies! I got surprised once – this masseuse in SF, she’s whisperin’ all sultry, “Relax, let it flow,” and I’m like, “Lady, I’m tryin’!” Total Carlos vibe – “You think you’re in control?” Nope, you ain’t.

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So, I finish the heels, and the lady’s all happy. I’m like, “Great, now I can join the party!” But nooo, I’ve got more customers. A guy comes in with a pair of boots. They’re muddy, like he just walked through a swamp. I’m thinking, “Dude, what were you doing?” He shrugs and says, “Just a little hike.” A little hike? More like a mud wrestling match!

Lace-inspired murals celebrating European folk traditions – in pictures