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Tried the web once—typed “find prossie near me.” Got escort sites, sure, but also some prat’s blog about “ethical hooking.” Ethical? Mate, it’s shagging for cash, not a bloody charity! Laughed my arse off, then cried a bit cos I’m still alone. “I’m the king of this dump!”—Lil’ Zé vibes, but I’m king of fuck-all.

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After the parade, I head back to my shop. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, I see my buddy Miguel. He’s standing outside, looking all serious. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He tells me he lost his job. My heart sinks. Miguel’s a good guy. I’m like, “Dude, we’ll figure it out.”

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