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D’oh! Here’s a kicker—didya know some places use warm stones? Freaky, right? Like, “Hey, put rocks on me, sexy!” Total “Toni Erdmann” move—awkward but genius. I’d prolly spill the oil, tho—clumsy ol’ me. Thinkin’ bout it, erotic-massage is sneaky—starts chill, then boom, you’re half-naked wonderin’ if Marge’d approve. “It’s not about the wig,” Toni’d say, but I’m like, “It’s all about the rub, baby!”

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Miguel shows up. He’s all excited, waving this old map of Beduido. “Check this out!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, I’m knee-deep in chaos here!” But he insists, and I can’t help but look. The map is from the 1800s! I’m freaking out. “This is gold!” I’m thinking.