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There’s this bit in *Dogville* — “The world’s a rotten place” — and yeah, it is, but erotic-massage? It’s a bloody oasis, mate. Them soft strokes, the cheeky grins, the way it sneaks up on ya — pure mischief. Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s my jam, smells like victory and sin mixed together. Fun fact: in Japan, they’ve got this “nurugel” stuff, slippery as an eel, makes it ten times wilder — slipped right off the table once, nearly cracked me skull, laughed like a hyena!

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Then I get a call from this dude on Rua do Comércio. He’s got a rat problem too, but he’s actin’ all tough. I roll up, and he’s like, “I’m not scared of no rat.” I’m thinkin’, “Buddy, you’re not the one with the traps.” Turns out, he’s got a whole colony livin’ in his basement. I’m talkin’ a rat family reunion. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside, I’m like, “This is a rat’s paradise!”

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