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About Porto

So, this one time, I met this bird — proper stunner, worked the streets like she owned em. Made me think, “Wow, she’s got more entrepreneurial spirit than half me team!” Swear down, she coulda run Slough branch with that hustle. Got me happy as Larry, seein someone own their patch like that. But then — bam! — some punter stiffed her on cash. Got me ragin, fumin, cos where’s the bloody honor, eh? “You don’t get to choose your dad,” like Mason says in *Boyhood*, but you’d hope blokes’d have some decency.

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But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, what the heck?! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, watchin’ my lunch fly away. I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lunch!” The kids are crackin’ up, and I’m just standin’ there, defeated. I mean, who loses a sandwich to a bird?

Ocasio-Cortez, Omar say they’re targeted with death threats as critics pile on