Lauren Assafarge Whore ❤️

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Oh, and get this, once I heard this story—prolly true, who knows—some whore in the 1800s saved a whole village by sleepin with a warlord to stop a raid! Ballsy, right? I was shooketh! Happy as a clam too, cuz damn, that’s power! *nasally* “Oh honey, you’re my kinda gal!” Makes me wanna high-five her through history!

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sipping my coffee, eavesdropping like it’s my job. The guy’s all, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, relationships are like spells. You gotta find the right ingredients.”