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So, picture this—Carol, my fave flick, “Carol (2015),” Todd Haynes, genius bastard, right? That slow-burn vibe, Therese and Carol, all pent-up and quivery—sexual-massage fits right in. “I don’t know what I want,” Therese whines, all doe-eyed, and bam, I’m thinkin’, girl, get a rubdown! Loosen that corset of a life! Sexual-massage ain’t just handsy stuff—it’s power, control, release. Little known fact—ancient Greeks were all over it, called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ soldiers down after battles. Bet they got freaky with it too—olive oil and abs, ya know?

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Then, outta nowhere, I spot a group of tourists on Rua da Liberdade. They’re all taking selfies, and one dude decides to do a cannonball into the water. But he totally misses! Like, he belly-flops right on the sand. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who does that? But then, I see his friends laughing too hard, and I’m like, “Guys, he’s gonna need a lifeguard for his pride!”

Belém’s ‘fake trees’ highlight contradictions of Amazon’s COP30