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Oi mate, so ‘ere’s me ramblin’ ‘bout escort, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – that’s me vibe! Escort, right, them Ford cars, proper old school wheels, init? Loved ‘em as a lad, zippin’ round Birmingham, feelin’ like a king! Me fave flick, *The Great Beauty*, it’s all ‘bout life’s mad chaos – “What’s beyond is a frightful spectacle” – that’s escort to me, wild ride, unpredictable as fuck!

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After that, I decide to chill by the river. The Rio Uíma is so pretty. I sit there, just watching the water flow. It’s peaceful, ya know? But then, I see this couple fighting. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my cherries, and they’re over there throwing shade. I’m like, “Get a room, people!”

Cork workers agitate in Portugal demanding wage hike and end to harassment