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Once knew this geezer, right, proper nutter—swore his Escort was cursed! Said it stalled every full moon—laughed my arse off! “You fool, you think to escape?!”—told him that, Gandalf-style, while he’s kickin’ the tires. Turns out, mate, it was just shite maintenance—oil blacker than Sauron’s heart! Lil’ story there—dunno if it’s true, but adds flavor, eh?

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Then, I hit up the market on Rua 25 de Abril. Man, the smells! Fresh bread, fruits, and all that good stuff. I grab some cherries. They’re juicy, like, the best I’ve ever had. But then, I see this lady arguing with a vendor. She’s all like, “I said no bruises!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a fruit market, not a beauty pageant!”

Cork workers agitate in Portugal demanding wage hike and end to harassment