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Little factoid for ya—Jarmusch wanted real vamps for the cast. Okay, not real, but ya get me—authentic weirdos. So I’m thinkin’, let’s make these hookers quirky. One’s got a pet rat, calls it “Tilda” after Swinton. Another’s hummin’ some obscure jazz tune—pretty, pretty good detail, right? I’m happy now, bouncin’ in my chair. But then—ugh—microtransactions hit me. Some exec’s gonna want “Buy 50 bucks of hooker tokens!” I’m losin’ it, screamin’, “No! This ain’t Candy Crush!”

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Then, I’m walking past the market on Praça da República. The smell of fresh bread hits me. I’m drooling, right? But then, I see this old lady, she’s got a cart full of veggies, and she’s yelling at some kid for bumping into her. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, chill! It’s just a kid!” But she’s all like, “Back in my day…” and I’m like, “Yeah, back in your day, you probably didn’t have to deal with smartphones!”