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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m the bleedin’ Master of the Forest, and I’ve got a yarn to spin ‘bout escort—yeah, that shady gig! Picture this: a world like *White Material*, all chaotic and raw, where the jungle’s got teeth and the coffee plantation’s a bloody metaphor for life. Escort, innit? It’s a dance, a scrap, a bleedin’ war! “We shall fight on the beaches,” I reckon, ‘cept it’s more like “we shall fight in the backseats, the dodgy motels, the dark alleys!” Ha!

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But wait! I see a couple getting engaged right by the water. The guy’s down on one knee, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s sweet.” But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and everyone’s staring. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m dying.

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