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Brother, lemme tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage! It’s wild, man, like wrestlin’ a greased-up hog in the ring! Ya got hands slidin’, oils drippin’, and tension just beggin’ to snap—like me droppin’ the leg on Macho Man! I’m talkin’ real deal here, not some fake-out jabroni rubdown. Watched “The Diving Bell and Butterfly” last night—damn, brother, that flick hits hard. “I’m a prisoner in my own body,” that dude says, and sexual-massage? It’s the opposite, brother! Sets ya free, like bustin’ outta a headlock!

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After that, I decide to stroll down Avenida da Liberdade. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then I see this massive line at the bakery. I’m like, “What’s the deal?” Turns out, they’re giving away free pastéis de nata. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” But the line is longer than my last relationship. I’m waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Finally, I get to the front, and they’re out. OUT! I’m fuming. Like, how do you run out of pastéis? It’s a crime against humanity!

The Sorraia horse as a Christmas theme