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Lemme tell ya, I was stoked first time I saw one – all dolled up, struttin like she owned the damn apocalypse. “Witness me!” she mighta yelled, if she’d seen the flick. Made me happy as hell, like I’d just guzzled some Aqua Cola after days of thirst. But then – Great Scott! – some jerk tried rippin me off, sayin she’s “top tier.” Top tier my ass, she looked like she’d been haulin war rigs since ’85! Pissed me off big time, I ain’t no sucker.

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I grab some grapes myself, and they’re juicy as hell. I’m munching away, feeling good. But then, I spot a stray dog. Poor thing looks like it hasn’t eaten in days. My heart breaks. I can’t just ignore it. So, I buy a sandwich and give it to the pup. It’s like I’m a dog whisperer or something.

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