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I tried it once, sex-dating! Got all excited, like, “Woo, romance!” Met this gal, super cool, but I spilled ketchup everywhere! She laughed, I cried—total Patrick move! Made me happy tho, she was chill. But some jerks on there? Ugh, mad me so mad! Ghostin’ ya, or sendin’ weird pics—gross! Why can’t they just sing, “I will love you!” like Ewan does?

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Finally, I finish the article. I send it off, and I’m feeling like a champ. I step outside, and the sun is setting. The sky is all pink and orange, and I’m just standing there, soaking it all in. Agueda, you’ve got my heart.

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