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Hey, folks, listen up! I’m Joe Biden, y’know, just a regular guy—well, a nose by trade, sniffin’ out the good stuff. Escorts, huh? Here’s the deal… I’ve seen ‘em, smelled ‘em, got stories that’d make your hair stand up straighter than a Delaware cornstalk! Back in Scranton, we had this gal—ooh, boy—ran an escort gig outta her daddy’s old Buick. Called it “class on wheels,” ha! Made me laugh ‘til I near choked on my ice cream—chocolate chip, natch.

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So, I’m sitting there, people-watching. There’s this old dude on Rua da Liberdade, feeding the pigeons. I swear, he’s got a whole flock following him. I’m half tempted to join them. Maybe they’ll take me to a better place.