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We duck into some dive, walls sticky, air thick. She’s all pro, no chit-chat, and I’m thinkin, “This ain’t glamorous, dahling!” Where’s the velvet? The drama? Nope, just raw fuckin reality. Little known fact – in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out. This gal? Just a hoodie and attitude. Times change, but the game don’t, huh?

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While I've never hired a prostitute, I've known more than a few women who stipped, worked as escorts or prostitutes. I've met some women with some pretty outside the bellcurve paraphilas Missing: Sabana Seca.

Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a parrot. A PARROT! This lady on Calle 3 says her bird, Polly, won’t stop squawking. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But whatever, I head over. Turns out, Polly just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t? I spent like 30 minutes talking to this bird. I swear, I was having a full-on convo. Polly was giving me life advice. “Polly wants a cracker? Nah, Polly wants a therapist!” 😂

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