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About San Juan

Okay, so sexual-massage—it’s this wild mix of chill and heat. You’re lyin’ there, all oiled up, hands slidin’ everywhere, and bam—it’s like, “Oh, this ain’t just a backrub, huh?” I dig it, tho—makes me feel alive, y’know? Like Tilda Swinton in the movie, whisperin’, “We’re still here, aren’t we?”—damn right we are, babe! It’s sensual, artsy, like paintin’ with touch.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dude on a bike zooms past me. I swear he almost took my arm off! I’m like, “Bro, you tryna kill me or what?” He just laughs and keeps pedaling. I’m standing there, half-eating my empanadilla, half-fuming. Like, c’mon, man!

Puerto Rico mayor, two others arrested on corruption charges