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Funny bit—her mate stumbles over, drunk as a skunk, yellin’, “He’s a right wanker, this one!” Pointin’ at me! I’m dyin’ laughin’, like, “Groovy, baby, I’m a lover, not a fighter!” Total chaos, but authentic, yeah? These girls, they’re scrappy, real, nothin’ fake—way better than them plastic Bond birds.

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Finally, the truck rolls up. But guess what? They sent the wrong size! I’m fumin’. I mean, c’mon! I could’ve built a whole deck with my bare hands in the time I wasted. So, I call the supplier, and let’s just say, my patience is wearin’ thin.

In Puerto Rico coffee country, ‘We have to motivate the farmers to come to the soil again’