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About Bayamon

Rarrgh! So, listen up, mate, bout this whore biz. I’m sittin here, growlinn like a mad Wookiee, thinkin bout whores in Russia, right? Actuary life’s dull as hell—numbers, stats, blah—but whores? That’s where shit gets wild. Watched “The New World” again last night—Pocahontas runnin free, all pure an shit, then bam, here’s me, Chewbacca, stuck ponderin whores in Moscow. “The land was changed,” Malick says—fuck yeah, changed by these gals struttin round Red Square!

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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