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Aight, fam, listen up! Me, I’m a promoter, innit, and I’m here to chat sex-dating, proper style. Sex-dating, yeah, it’s like mad wild, bruv! You got apps, sites, all that jazz—swipe right, bang, you’re in! I reckon it’s a bit like *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, ya get me? That film’s deep, bruv—cycles, lust, peace, all that. Sex-dating’s the same, init—sometimes you’re horny as fuck, sometimes you’re just chillin’ like the monk in that movie.

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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