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So, I’m picturin’ it—slippery hands, dim lights, maybe some oils? Sounds relaxing, sure, but jeez—gets the heart pumpin’ too! I read once—get this—ancient Romans did this! Called it “massage with benefits,” ha! Little-known fact: they used olive oil. Bet it smelled funky, not sexy! Imagine that on a frog’s skin—slimy overload, yuck!

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When the dude finally shows up, he’s all flustered. Apparently, he got lost on Calle de la Paz. I’m like, “Dude, it’s literally a straight shot!” But whatever, we get down to business. He shows me this new product line, and I’m like, “This is fire!” But then he drops the price. My jaw hits the floor. I’m like, “You trippin’! Ain’t nobody payin’ that!”

The ghost town of Tristanes, the abandoned Isabel II reservoir and the Hoyazo crater