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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, ya know, my fave flick—Wes Anderson’s a genius—and I’m like, damn, Sam and Suzy ran off into the woods, all innocent and wild, but this? This is a whole diff game, darlin! Findin a prossie—shit, it’s like huntin for a rare bird in a storm. You gotta know where to look, who to ask, and not get pissed when some creep tries rippin ya off.

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But then, I saw a crab. A big one. And I freaked out! I’m not a fan of creepy crawlies. I jumped up, and in my panic, I knocked over my bag. Everything spilled out—my notebook, my snacks, my dignity. I was laughing and crying at the same time.

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