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Oi, mate, grab a drink—let’s chat whores! I’m Tyrion Lannister, witty as fuck, “I drink and I know things.” So, prostitutes, yeah? Been thinkin’ bout this one bird—let’s call her Lysa, no relation to that nutter from the Vale. She’s a proper working girl, roamin’ the streets like some faun from *Pan’s Labyrinth*. You know, “The world is a cruel place,” and she’s livin’ proof—face like a goddess, but eyes that seen too much. I reckon she’s got stories darker than that pale bastard in the movie.

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Then, I head over to the Plaza de Recreo. It’s usually a nice spot to relax, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playin’ soccer, and one of ‘em kicks the ball right at me! I mean, c’mon! I dodge it like a ninja, but I’m still fumin’. I yell, “Watch it, Messi!” They just laugh. Kids, man.

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