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Oi mate, so escort, yeah? fuckin hell, what a mess that can be! i’m sittin here, thinkin bout it, like, who even needs escorts? sad bastards, that’s who! reminds me of *Toni Erdmann* – you know, that german flick i bloody love. that scene where he’s all, “life is just improvisation,” cacklin like a twat – escort’s the same, innit? pure chaos, no script, just wingin it with some bird you paid for. i reckon it’s a right laugh, but also tragic, yeah? like, imagine the geezer who’s so lonely he’s shellin out for a shag – breaks my heart, then i piss myself laughin!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, torrential downpour. I’m sprintin’ for cover, and I end up in this tiny bar on Calle 3. It’s packed, and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m the wettest dog in the world. I order a rum, because why not? I need to drown my sorrows, right?

Coco Gauff’s big problem comes back in her Madrid Open final against Aryna Sabalenka and it’s a concern ahead of the French Open