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About Bayamon

So, picture this—some chick, let’s call her Candy, ‘cause why not, she’s out there on the corner, heels clickin’ like a goddamn metronome. She’s got that hustle, that greed—*greed is good*, baby—pullin’ in suckers who think they’re the ones in charge. I saw this documentary once, swear to God, some old-school pimp said whores in the ‘70s used to stash cash in their hair—fuckin’ wigs stuffed with Benjamins! Ain’t that wild? Little known fact, bro, they were bank vaults with lipstick.

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So, I roll with it. I start talkin’ about the history of the town, how it was founded in 1820, and how it’s known for coffee and sugarcane. But then, this kid runs by, spills his drink all over my shoes. Ugh! I’m like, “Dude, really?!” But he just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, man.

The House That Cidra Sebastien Helped Build