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Favorite thing? Dis one time, gal named Lola—fake name, prolly—told me she saved up, bought a piano! A PIANO, ja! Said she played it bad, but who cares? Made me laugh, picturin’ her bangin’ keys like some hooker Mozart. I told her, “Keep pumpin’ it, girl, you’ll be back stronger!” She winked, said, “Arnie, you’re nuts.” Loved dat sass, pure gold.

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I rushed to get ready, tripped over my cat, and spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt. Great start, huh? I was like, “C’mon, Caguas, don’t do me like this!” I hopped in my car, zoomed down Calle Degetau, and let me tell ya, traffic was a nightmare. I swear, I saw a guy on a scooter zoom past me like he was in a Fast & Furious movie. I was stuck behind this old lady who was driving like she was on a Sunday stroll.

Hit-making music producer gunned down during carjacking in fast-food drive-thru