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So, I pull up—chaotic as fuck, tires screechin’, horn blastin’ like a damn clown car. She’s all, “You got cash, fam?” and I’m like, “Girl, I got SKILLS—teach ya to parallel park!” She laughs, like, “Bruh, I ain’t tryna park nothin’!” I’m dyin’, ‘cause—real talk—prostitutes don’t give a FUCK ‘bout drivin’ lessons, but I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, I see the absurdity! She’s out here hustlin’, and I’m tryna make it a driver’s ed skit!

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Finally, I get to the plaza. Luis is there, but he’s not alone. He’s with this girl, Ana. And wow, she’s a total knockout. I’m trying to play it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, you better not mess this up.”

Puerto Rico Army Guard honors MIA Soldier from Korea