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So I roll up, all swagger, flexin’ a bit—gotta look the part, ya know? This one chick, she’s sassy, all “What you want, big man?” I’m like, “Just chattin’, baby, keep it cool.” She laughs, says she’s seen worse than me. Worse than The Rock?! That’s a gut punch, but I dig it—spunk’s rare out here. Reminds me of that movie line, “Everything’s gone, nothin’ left.” She’s still standin’, though—tough as nails.

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We start chatting, and I’m cracking jokes, trying to impress her. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and poops right on my shoulder. Like, seriously? I’m standing there, frozen, while Luis and Ana are dying laughing. I’m like, “Great, just great. Aibonito’s finest moment.”

FEMA awards $14 million for Puerto Rico hospital repairs