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Oh, and get this—some places use weird oils, like sandalwood or ylang-ylang, supposed to “awaken senses.” I’m like, “Awaken my wallet, more like!” But it’s legit, smells amazin’, makes ya feel fancy. I’m ramblin’, I know, but sexual-massage? It’s a trip. Not for everyone—some folks’d rather jump outta planes than try it. Me? I’m curious, neurotic, but I’m like, “I gotta remember this!”—tattooin’ it on my soul, *Memento*-style. Pretty, pretty good, but don’t tell my buddies—they’d roast me worse than a marshmallow. So, yeah, that’s my deal—whaddaya think?

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First off, I hit the road on Calle Betances. Traffic was a nightmare! Like, who knew a Tuesday could feel like rush hour on a Friday? I’m sittin’ there, just fuming. I mean, c’mon people, it’s not that hard to drive! I almost lost it when some dude in a beat-up car cut me off. Like, bro, you really think you’re gonna win the Indy 500 in that thing?

Brevard family reunites with Puerto Rico relatives after Hurricane Maria