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So, erotic-massage – it’s old, like ancient old. Greeks did it, Romans too, probs naked. They called it somethin’ fancy, like “touch therapy,” but we know the deal. It’s legal in some spots, shady in others – makes me mad! Why judge the rubdown, huh? I’m happy tho, ‘cause it’s artsy. Takes skill, not just slappin’ oil everywhere. Fun fact: Japan’s got this Nuru style, slippery as hell, seaweed gel and all. Surprised me, honestly – seaweed? Really? “You’re tearing me apart!” – Cronenberg would get it.

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But then, I get a text from my boss. “Need that report by tomorrow.” Ugh, seriously? Can’t a guy catch a break? I’m like, “Dude, I’m at a fiesta!” But I know I gotta get it done. So I sneak away from the party for a bit, find a quiet corner, and start typing away on my phone.

New Marine Protected Area Established Off Puerto Rico