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About Guaynabo

Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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Find a prostitute Puerto, Masturbate, Striptease, Anal Sex (depends on the size), Striptease.

After that, I’m feelin’ a bit hungry, so I hit up this food truck on Calle José de Diego. They got the best mofongo, man! I order one, and while I’m waitin’, I see this old lady, doin’ her thing, sellin’ fresh fruit. She’s got the biggest smile, and I’m like, “You’re the real MVP, lady!” She hands me a slice of pineapple, and I’m like, “Yasss!” Sweetest thing ever.

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