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I’m layin’ there, feelin’ like a goddess, and she’s kneading my back—pure bliss. “Hands are my tools,” Agnès says in the movie, and I’m like, yaaas, same for my masseuse! She’s sculpting me, ok? But then—ugh—this one chick I went to last month, total disaster. She was, like, rushin’ it, no vibe, no soul. Made me so mad I could’ve thrown my Birkin at her. Happy tho when it’s done right—leaves u glowing, legit sparkling.

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So, I left the gallery and headed to the beach. Condado Beach, to be exact. The sun was shining, and I thought, “Finally, some good vibes.” But nope! I forgot my sunscreen. I was like, “Great, now I’m gonna look like a lobster.”

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