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“Hit me,” Eli says in the movie, all deadpan. Sexual-massage hits ya alright—straight in the wallet and pride. Costs too damn much, and for what? Sticky hands and regret? I’d rather wrestle a bear. Little story—buddy o’ mine tried it, said it was “spiritual.” Spiritual my ass, he just wanted a cheap thrill. Laughed in his face, still do.

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walkin’ back, and I see this little kid, maybe six or seven, sittin’ on the curb, lookin’ sad. I go up to him, ask what’s wrong. Turns out, he lost his puppy. My heart just sank. I helped him look around, and after a bit, we found the little guy under a car. The kid’s face lit up like Christmas! I felt like a hero for a sec.

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