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About Bayamon

So, like, findin’ a prossie ain’t hard if ya know where to look. Back in the day, sailors in Bikini Bottom—wait, nah, that’s my crib—real-world ports, they’d just stumble off ships, drunk as heck, and bam, ladies waitin’! Little fact for ya: in old France, they called ‘em “filles de joie”—joy girls, heh, fancy! Makes me giggle thinkin’ bout it. I’d be all, “Hiya, joy girl, got any krabby patties?”

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Then, I hit up the plaza. It’s packed! Families, kids runnin’ around, music blasting. I’m feelin’ the vibe, ya know? I sit down, take a breather, and just soak it all in. But then, this guy starts playing the accordion. And not just any accordion—like, the worst accordion ever. I’m cringing so hard, I think my face might crack.

Elly De La Cruz plays Dominican Winter League game wearing his All-Star Game uniform