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And get this—some escorts got CODENAMES. Like spies! “Call me Sapphire,” they say, all mysterious. I’d be “Sponge-a-licious,” duh! Adds a lil’ pizzazz, keeps it fun. “I’m trying to figure out what I do,” Celine says in *Before Sunset*. Escorts prolly feel that too—figurin’ it out, one gig at a time. Deep, huh?

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Then, I decided to take a stroll down Calle de la Cruz. The views are insane, man! You can see the mountains, the lush greenery, and all that good stuff. But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, I’m talking about a monsoon! I was soaked in seconds. I mean, come on, Orocovis! Can’t a guy catch a break?

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