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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially frilly nonsense. Prostitutes? Pfft, they’re like woodworkin’ tools—useful, but messy. Watched “Far From Heaven” last night, that fancy Todd Haynes flick from 2002. My favorite, ‘cause it’s all repressed and miserable—just my style. Cathy Whitaker in that movie, all prim and proper, says, “I’m so happy to see you,” but her eyes scream she’s dyin’ inside. Reminds me of a hooker I met once, downtown, call her Ruby. Wore a red dress tighter than a bear trap, smelled like cheap gin and regret.

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So, I decided to check it out anyway. I walked over, and the place was packed! I was surprised. I thought I’d be the only one. But nope, Orocovis is all about that vegan life now. I ordered a taco, and honestly, it wasn’t half bad. But I still missed my mofongo.

William Rosado Ortiz Obituary June 10, 2022