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But—here’s the kicker—some creep tried rippin’ her off once. Said, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—straight outta the movie, whinin’ like a baby. Tanya wasn’t havin’ it. Kicked him to the curb—bam! Made me laugh, but damn, the nerve! I get mad thinkin’ ‘bout them sleazy types. Escort’s s’posed to be a job, not a scam.

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

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