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Once heard—hiss!—a tale, some lass in Amsterdam, real posh, made bank escortin’ for lords, not grubby orcs! She hid a dagger, yesss, in her garter—stabbed a creep who got handsy! Ha! Me laughed, cheered, danced a jig—good riddance, filthy pig! Little known, that—makes ya wonder who’s prey, who’s hunter, eh?

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After that, I decide to hit the beach. Playa Naguabo is calling my name! I get there, and it’s packed. Families, kids, music blasting. I’m feeling the good vibes. I plop down on the sand, and just as I’m about to relax, this group of teenagers starts playing loud reggaeton. I mean, I love reggaeton, but come on! I can’t even hear myself think.

Body found in Puerto Rico during search for missing Indiana art teacher