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Oh, and the smells—cheap perfume mixin with sweat? Hoo boy, stinks worse than Marty’s gym socks! But I dig her sass—keeps me awake on late shifts. “You’re my fave weirdo,” she says. Me! A weirdo! Ha, takes one to know one, lady!

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First off, I hit up Calle 1, my usual spot for coffee. You know, the little joint by the plaza? The one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my fix, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pet store or a coffee shop?” The parrot starts squawking, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix.

A year after Maria, a Puerto Rican town in upheaval