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Oi, honey, lemme tell ya—*nasal Fran Drescher voice*—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m behind the bar, slingin’ drinks, when this shlump comes in, lookin’ all twitchy. “Hey, Fran,” he goes, “where’s a gal get some action?” I’m like, *whaaat*? You think I’m runnin’ a bordello here? Hah! *The Nanny laugh—HA-HA-HA!* I nearly spat my martini, oh gawd.

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We get to chattin’, and he starts tellin’ me about the good ol’ days in Maricao. Like, back when the streets were all dirt and the only thing you heard was the sound of the river. I’m like, “Dude, I can’t even imagine!” But then he goes on about how the town’s changed. More tourists, less charm. I get it. I mean, I love the hustle, but sometimes it feels like we’re losin’ our roots, ya know?

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