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This one tart, Sally, she’s a regular—swear she’s got a laugh like a hyena, makes me wanna claw me ears off! But she’s clever, yeh, tricksy—once saw her nick a bloke’s wallet mid-giggle. Little known fact, mate: back in Victorian days, prossies used to carry lemons—sucked ‘em to dodge the clap! Ain’t that mad? Sally probs don’t know that, she’s too busy dodgin’ coppers.

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Turns out, he’s claiming his roof got damaged in a storm. But I’m looking up, and I see more holes than a slice of Swiss cheese. I’m thinking, “Man, you sure this ain’t just bad maintenance?” I ask him about it, and he gets all defensive. “I’m not a handyman!” he yells. I’m like, “Chill, bro. I’m not here to judge your life choices.”

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