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Whores got stories, tho – not just filth. Heard ‘bout one in France, right, 1600s, called Ninon – posh whore, yeh, slept with kings, then wrote books! Books, I tell ya! Made me happy, that – brains and bed skills, ha! Stupid fat hobbit wouldn’t get it, too busy eatin’. She’d say, “Love’s a season,” like the movie, yeh – spring’s hot, then winter freezes yer bits off. Surprised me, that did – whores bein’ smart? Wild!

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Then, this guy comes up to me, super angry. He’s like, “Where’s my drink?” I’m thinking, “Dude, chill! It’s a bar, not a drive-thru.” But I keep my cool. I apologize, and he softens up. Turns out, he’s just hangry. I hook him up with a free drink, and he’s all smiles.

Figure 1. Map of the Luquillo Experimental Forest (El Yunque National...