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I ain’t judgin’, tho—live how you live! It’s just them hands, that oil, slidin’ ‘round, makin’ you forget your name. Kinda like when Kolya in the movie’s drownin’ in vodka—numb but alive! I’d prolly try it, but I’d sass the masseuse—“Don’t you skimp on that oil, boo!” Halleluyer! It’s freaky, it’s fun, it’s a lil’ sinful—perfect for a Southern gal like me who’s seen it all! Now, who’s got the guts to book it? Tell Madea how it goes!

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So, I’m walking down the street, feeling the vibe. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be lit.” But then, I see this huge pothole on Calle José de Diego. Like, seriously? It’s like a mini crater! I almost twisted my ankle. I’m ready to start a petition or something. “Fix our roads, Las Marías!”

Four months after Hurricane Maria, Puerto Rico struggles with lack of electricity, food and water