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Me, I’m plowin’ fields all day, back’s knackered. Sexual-massage? Fuckin’ heaven, mate! Some chick in Bali—true story—used hot stones. Stones! Thought I’d melt like a bleedin’ candle. “Sharon!” Mumbled incoherence, she didn’t get it, kept goin’. Felt like Rocket dodgin’ bullets, y’know? Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this shit. Called it “anatripsis,” posh twats. Rubbin’ down soldiers after battles—fuckin’ hardcore!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a client. They’re freaking out. “Where’s my shipment?” they scream. I’m like, “Dude, we’re on it!” But inside, I’m panicking. I can’t let them down. Juana-Diaz is a small town, and word travels fast. If I mess this up, I’ll be the talk of the town—like that time the mayor got caught dancing at the plaza.

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