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Thee’d be shocked—some blokes send dick pics straight off. No “hallo,” no “how’s thy day?” Just—bam—cock in thy inbox. I laughed ‘til I wept, then thought, “Thou art a fool, sirrah!” Once read a tale—lass met a duke on OkCupid, turned out he’s a bleedin’ prince from Denmark! Rare as unicorn piss, that. Most times, it’s just horny goats and no sparks.

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Finally, the rain stops. I’m like, “Okay, let’s turn this day around.” I decide to hit up a local shop on Calle de la Amistad. They have the best merch. I walk in, and it’s like a treasure trove. I’m grabbing stuff left and right. But then, I see this shirt. It’s perfect. I go to pay, and my card gets declined. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!”

Hidroconta and Orange will digitalise more than 100,000 smart water meters for Canal de Isabel II