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So I’m thinkin’, maybe hit up the shady side o’ town, right? Dark alleys, neon lights flickerin’ like Marge’s old hairdryer. Mmm… donuts. Wait, no, focus, Homer! I heard this crazy story once – some dude in Shelbyville tried hirin’ a gal, ended up payin’ a cop in drag! Swear to Jebus, made me laugh so hard I spilled my Duff. Gotta watch out for that crap – stings worse than a bee in your pants!

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Okay, first off, you gotta wheel around Calle Comercio. That street’s the heart, ya know? It’s busy and charming in a kinda quirky way. Seriously, I swear, I can literally see Russia from my window sometimes—like, the world is just whizzing by. Then there’s Plaza de la Cultura, where locals gossip, kids run, and time feels like it slows down for a sec. Every time I walk there after work, I feel… something. A mix of calm and “Whoa, am I in a Béla Tarr movie?” I even whisper those movie lines to myself.

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